


It Gets Better (We'll Get Better)

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Straight Camp, allusion to self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 05:03:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is doing so well at camp, he's almost normal. He doesn't need people like Liam coming in and fucking it up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We'll Lose Our Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> I was super excited for this when I was writing my last fic, then I finished my last fic and lost all enthusiasm for it. But I got it back! 
> 
> I did very little research on straight camps, mainly because the thought of it grosses me out. I got a few ideas for rules from [here](http://forums.govteen.com/debates-discussions/124619-gay-kid-gets-sent-straight-camp.html) and I bullshitted my way through some religious stuff. I mostly tried to focus more on the dynamics between Louis and Liam than the actual idea of being in a straight camp and having that experience. 
> 
> Big thanks to my two betas, [Kelsey](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KelMo) and [Laina](http://archiveofourown.org/users/freakforhoran), you guys rock!
> 
> [whispers] general disclaimer i do not know any member of one direction personally and this story is just based off of fictionalized versions of a character that i have interpreted from their public personas sorry

It isn’t even two days after Louis’ old roommate graduated that he is called into the head’s office to meet his new roommate. Louis definitely wasn’t excited for it. He hated new campers, especially the ones who didn’t want to be there (which was most of them), and by the looks of it, his new roommate fell into that category.

Sitting there, flanked by two adults who are most likely his parents, is a sad looking boy. He’s probably around the same age as Louis. His hair is shorn on the sides and styled up at the top. Louis runs a hand through his short cut hair, required by the camp. He misses his own long hair. The boy has his arms crossed and his eyes pointing down at his lap. His arms are huge.

Louis scolds himself. It was inappropriate to notice that kind of stuff on another man – that’s why he's here. He has successfully gone three months free of homosexual behavior and this guy isn’t about to change that.

“Louis,” the head speaks up, his voice powerful and strict. “Meet your new roommate: Liam. I trust you’ll make him feel as welcome as possible and help him in his journey to cleanliness.”

Louis politely nods and shoots a friendly smile at Liam, who has finally looked up from his lap and revealed his whole face. His eyebrows are huge and expressive, matching his sad eyes and frown. Louis almost feels bad for the guy, as he obviously doesn’t want to be here.

“Louis and Sarah will show you to your room.” The head gestures towards Louis and the counselor behind him. “You will have to change your clothes though. If you don’t have anything that fits the dress code, we can provide you with something to wear.”

Liam stands up solemnly and the tank top he’s wearing shifts to almost show his nipples. Louis looks away, turning to face Sarah. She’s his favorite counselor here, and she’s kind of cute. She’s a little older and, of course, any romance between staff and campers is forbidden, so it doesn’t matter.

Sarah takes one of Liam’s bags and Liam takes the other. He doesn’t say a word to his parents before leaving the room, and they don’t seem to mind. Louis is about to follow them out when the head places a hand on his shoulder.

“Louis, I expect you to talk to Liam and get him comfortable with the situation he’s in.” He pulls Louis under his arm. “You’ve been doing exceptionally well and that’s why I roomed him with you. I know you’re only a few months short of graduating.” He winks at Louis and pushes him lightly towards the door.

Liam and Sarah are waiting outside the door and they all walk silently to Louis’ cabin. Sarah tries to make small talk but neither boy takes the bait.

“Well,” she says as they approach the cabin, “I’ll leave you two to get to know one another.” She puts Liam’s bag down on the unmade bed that used to be Louis’ old roommate’s, and walks out with a wave.

Louis politely waves back and turns to Liam who sits down on the bed and groans. He leans down to put his head in his hands and tangle his fingers in his hair. “I can’t believe I’m actually here.”

It takes Louis a minute to figure out the right thing to say. “Are you okay?”

Liam explodes and stands up to launch into a story: “One second I’m finally working up the courage to tell my parents I’m not as straight as they may have thought and the next they’re shoving me in the car and driving here. They actually haven’t said one word to me since I told them. How crazy is that? I’m still the same person, I’m still their son! Now I have to stay at this bullshit camp until they deem me worthy to join the real world again.” Sarcasm drips off of the last few words. Liam groans again, sitting down. “I’m getting out of here as soon as I can.”

Louis feels extremely uncomfortable; he digs his short fingernails into his palms. He’s been at this camp feeling helpless for three months. He’s just only started feeling normal again. It unsettles him to listen to Liam insult the camp so unashamedly.

“This camp isn’t going to do shit for anyone. The only good thing I could possibly get out of being here are the cute gay boys.”

Louis feels his heart drop down into his stomach. Of course Liam was going to be one of those campers, the ones who don’t appreciate the program and ruin their and everyone else’s hopes of getting better. If he wants to be reckless and get kicked out, that’s his business, but Louis doesn’t want to be a part of it.

He’s thrown a little off track when Liam strips off his tank top and pants and gets into bed. He lies in the bed in only his boxers with no blanket covering him and Louis can’t look away from his bare back. He can’t even feel his fingernails subconsciously pressing harder into his hands. Three months of vigorous prayer and merciless self-punishment go out the door.

Louis knows this feeling deep in his gut well. He remembers when he was first met with it. He remembers years of changing for gym spent looking straight into his locker to avoid the feeling. He hasn’t felt it in a while and he hoped he wouldn’t unless it was directed at a girl. Even Sarah, with her pretty blonde hair and her soft features highlighted with very light make up, didn’t make him feel it.

Louis knew she was gorgeous. He knew he should like her; he should want to have sex with her. He should be admiring her chest and the way her waist curves into her hips. He tries hard to imagine her now, lying down and turning away from Liam who’s begun snoring softly, but he just can’t picture her. He knows her face well; it’s a nice face, frequently sporting a friendly smile or a comforting look as Louis spills his guts to her.

He can’t bring himself to think of her sexually and he can’t tell if it’s because she’s a girl or if maybe it’s because she’s his best friend. Everyone says guys can’t have girl best friends without wanting to have sex with them, but Louis has always found himself being friendlier with girls than guys.

He thinks back to his school. The camp’s school program is starting soon, meaning school outside camp will be too. Louis wonders if anyone will know he’s gone. If they will know where he went. If they will know that they drove him to beg his parents to let him enroll here.

Louis feels his tears sneaking into his eyes. He promised himself that he would stop crying so much though; it was too gay. Only pussies cry. He also promised himself that he would stop thinking about school, so he guesses if he already broke one promise, what’s another?

He wishes he could fast forward his life, to a time where he’s already graduated from camp and he can go out in the real world, live a normal life and meet a girl and make a family with her. He falls asleep uncomfortably because he hates sleeping on his left side and his cheeks are still wet with tears.

As it does every morning, Louis’ alarm rings at 8 AM. Campers are meant to be awake and ready for mass by 9. Louis rises out of his bed as soon as he wakes up. He habitually rubs his head even though he should be used to the absence of his hair by now. It’s the one thing he can’t get used to.

He shuts off the alarm and walks over to where Liam has not budged since he fell asleep hours before. Louis hesitantly reaches a hand out and lets it hover over Liam. Where is the appropriate place for a man to put his hand to awake another, mostly naked, man? Louis settles for the shoulder, considering the head of the camp touched his shoulder yesterday.

Liam groans, “It’s too early.”

“It’s only 8,” Louis insists.

“Too early,” he reiterates.

Louis feels a rush of anger fill his chest. His old roommate used to be the one waking Louis up. His old roommate never went to bed almost naked, breaking one of the key rules at camp. Louis realizes that he hates Liam. He wants to punch Liam directly in his manly stubble covered face.

Violence is not okay.

Louis’ fingers automatically clench and he winces as he feels the familiar twinge of nails poking into his tender palm. He had stopped the self-punishment tactic when he started shedding blood and developing callouses a few weeks ago, but Liam has brought it right back.

Liam ruins everything. Louis hates Liam.

“Fine, get up when you want to,” Louis says, but he quietly curses himself for returning to his old ways of flamboyant sass. “Mass starts at 9, do you know where the church is?”

“Ugh, church? No thank you,” Liam mumbles from where his head is buried deep into his bare mattress.

Louis sighs and pulls on his camp appropriate clothes. He sighs again a few more times while putting on his shoes. He sighs once more before getting up to walk to the cabin door.

“Okay, I’ll go to your stupid church, just stop your sighing,” Liam’s groggy voice says right before Louis exits the cabin. Louis can’t help when a smirk takes over his face.

He says nothing as he walks away from the cabin, trekking towards the church. He likes to get there early to pray a little by himself before mass starts. You can never pray too much anyway. God will help Louis get out of this sinful mess.


	2. Hard to Stay Inside my Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thanks to [Kelsey](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KelMo) and [Laina](http://archiveofourown.org/users/freakforhoran) for your beta skills!

It takes three days for Louis to finally decipher the feelings he gets when he sees Liam. What he first thought was distaste is actually starting to feel like jealously.

Which is stupid.

Why should Louis be jealous of Liam? Liam is okay with living a life of sin and even planned to live his whole life like so. Meanwhile Louis was going to be cured and he was going to be welcomed back home with open arms. He was going to meet a pretty girl and have a relationship, and a family, and a normal life.

It made Louis so angry when he felt that pang of jealousy, watching Liam walk around in his tight clothes, leering at the other boys there. It’s like no one ever showed him the attire section of the rule book. Every night Louis goes to bed and has to choose between sleeping uncomfortably on his left side, or on his right side, staring at Liam’s almost naked body. After three days of barely sleeping, Louis decided to try out the other option.

Just like every night, Liam lies out on top of his bed with no blanket or anything covering him except his boxers. Usually he’s quiet, but he’s been getting more comfortable around Louis and is ranting about how hot it is.

Louis can’t stop his wandering eyes from following a bead of sweat as it runs down the bridge of Liam’s nose, then veers off to the left and stops just above his mouth. Liam’s tongue shoots out to lick it away. He huffs in annoyance and brings a sweaty arm to sweep over his equally as sweaty forehead, probably doing nothing to rid himself of any sweat.

It was nights like this Louis was actually happy for his hair being gone. Weather like this always made his hair all floppy and gross looking. But even without his hair, Louis was sweating up a storm. Especially considering he actually had clothes on unlike _someone else who was sweaty_. Liam’s stream of complaints finally quiets down as he drifts off to sleep.

With a low growl, Louis flips himself over to his left side. On either side he was going to be uncomfortable and sleep deprived, but at least the left side was less gay. He mumbles a quick prayer before feeling unconsciousness wash over him.

He wakes suddenly, hours later, covered in more sweat and panting. For a moment he looks around the cabin, bemused, forgetting why he was in his current state. But a shift of his lower body reminds him all too quickly. He can feel his underwear sticking unpleasantly to his thighs and the dream he’d just had comes rushing back to him.

Vague images of Louis and Liam and Liam’s bed and _sweat_ fill Louis’ head. He lets out a choked sob before pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. He yanks his sheets off from around his body and quickly removes his pants and underwear, throwing them to the corner of the cabin.

Three months he’d gone without an incident. _Three months_. All thrown away. Because of this stupid new  camper. Louis groans to himself, moving his hands up to tangle in his hair, but finding no hair. The action makes him even more upset. He clenches his fingers into a fist and remembers he’s been letting his fingernails grow out a little more. The sting of nails digging into his tender palm grounds him.

A hesitant hand on his back shocks Louis, he lets out a yelp.

“Sorry!” Liam whispers, “Are you okay?”

Louis groans again. Liam is possibly the last person he needs right now.

“Do I look okay?” Louis subconsciously scolds himself for the sass and sarcasm, neither being a good trait of a polite straight gentleman.

Liam doesn’t answer. Instead he wraps his arms around Louis. It takes him a moment to process what’s happening, his tears stopping and his body going rigid. Liam was currently _hugging_ Louis, whose bottom half is only somewhat covered by a slightly wet sheet.

Louis springs into action as soon as he can, moving his arms to break out of Liam’s hug, but he isn’t as strong as Liam. He grunts out, “No hugging or physical touch between clients. Did you even _look_ at the rule book?”

Liam breaks the hug, but stays close to Louis, letting out a huff of laughter and making an adorably bewildered face. “You actually believe in this nonsense, don’t you?”

“Of course I do!” Louis can’t stop his voice from rising. He hopes he doesn’t attract the next cabin over’s attention. “I actually want to be cured of this curse and live a normal life!”

“I can’t believe you think this is something that can be cured. I never thought I’d meet someone like that.” Liam’s words have an amused lilt to them that makes Louis’ blood boil.

“Excuse me for trying to better myself.” He really needs to stop with his sarcasm. “Also, I would appreciate it if you didn’t make fun of the program, because it’s doing a lot to help me.”

“Can’t you see, though?” Liam’s voice turns serious as he stares into Louis’ eyes. “It’s not helping you, it’s doing the exact opposite!”

“Look Liam, just because you don’t have faith doesn’t mean I should automatically change what I know! God will help me be a better person because I want Him to! If you choose not to accept His help then that is your own fault! You can go on living your life in sin!”

Louis hates how he can’t get up and storm out of the room, but he’s naked from the waist down and it would be unbecoming. He just turns away from Liam instead. Luckily after a few moments of staring blankly at Louis’ back, Liam gets up and grabs his towel and storms out to the showers. Finally getting a moment alone reminds Louis how upset he is and he can’t help the tears. He hates his stupid tears, they make him so weak and unmanly. He went to this camp to learn how to be a real man.

Outside the one window to the cabin Louis sees lights turning on in the other cabins and the sun starting to come up. He should be showering and getting ready for the first day of camp school. With a sigh, Louis decides to skip his shower and pulls on some pants to go down to the church. He’s going to need to pray extra hard to make up for the dream he had and how he yelled at Liam. No matter how much he dislikes Liam, it’s ungentlemanly to be so rude to someone.

The camp’s school isn’t a very big production. There are five classes: math, english, history, science, and religion. There weren’t that many people in the camp so you either had schedule one (math, english, lunch, history, science, religion) or schedule two (religion, science, history, lunch, english, math). Each class was an hour and lunch was a half hour. After five and a half hours of school, you were meant to return to normal camp activities.

Louis is ecstatic to find that Liam has schedule two while he has schedule one. He still sees Liam walking through the, admittedly small, building used for school. Sometimes he has a boy with him, looking at him adoringly while they walk. It’s usually one of three boys who are known for breaking camp rules and not wanting to be there. Naturally, Louis doesn’t associate with them.

After a long day Louis is fearing returning to the cabin and having to possibly talk to Liam. But when he gets in, Liam is nowhere to be found. Curfew isn’t for another thirty minutes but it is still good to get in early and show responsibility.

Louis smiles to himself as he lies down on his bed. He would finally get to sleep comfortably on his right side and not have to worry about staring at Liam.

Just as soon as he drifts off to sleep he is awoken by the cabin door creaking open. Louis tries to ignore it and go back to sleep, but his name is being whispered.

“What?” He answers back sharply, not opening his eyes.

“Please look at me.” Liam insists. Louis sighs and sits up, rubbing his eye with one hand and his head with the other. He makes eye contact with Liam, who looks flustered. “I wanted to apologize for this morning. It was wrong of me to force my beliefs on you, but just so, it’s wrong of you to force your beliefs on me. I think we should agree to respect each other’s opinions and be friends.”

Liam sticks out his hand and offers a friendly grin. Louis supposes he makes a good point and a good offer. Hesitantly, he raises his hand to grasp Liam’s, remembering the rule about handshakes: Up, down, up, down, done.

“Great!” Liam’s smile takes over his whole face and lights up his eyes. Louis almost grimaces at the thought of how happy he is. Then he actually grimaces when Liam strips off his shirt.

“You do know you’re not supposed to take your shirt off ever unless changing,”

Liam laughs. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

“It might hurt me,” Louis mutters, pulling his blanket up over his head.

Liam just laughs again. “Hey, I am changing – it just takes me, like, eight hours to pick out my new outfit.”

Louis refuses to smile because what Liam said is _not_ funny. Camp was serious business.


	3. The Look That's in Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late, I was distracted this weekend.

It's weird, suddenly almost all the tension is gone and it's like Louis and Liam are long lost friends. Louis honestly has no clue how it happened.

It started the day after they had made the pact to respect one another's opinions on the camp. Liam started making an effort to be Louis' friend. At first, Louis didn't do anything. Just because he agreed to respect Liam's opinion didn't mean he was okay with it. He had promised himself early on that he wouldn't befriend anybody who might drag him down.

But then Liam started talking about comic books and Louis couldn't help himself. He hadn't been able to see The Avengers movie before heading to camp, so Liam gave him a detailed explanation that left Louis on the edge of his seat.

Which all lead to the two walking back to their cabin from school, having a playful debate over Marvel versus DC.

"Louis, I respect your opinion," Liam says, holding up a finger, "But _Batman_."

Louis scoffs. "I'll give you that, but Batman is pretty much the only cool DC superhero."

Liam gasps. "What about Superman?"

"Superman is so overrated these days," Louis rolls his eyes.

"You take that back!"

They approach their cabin door and Liam playfully pushes Louis inside. Louis giggles and retaliates by lightly shoving Liam back.

It feels good, carefree play fighting with Liam. Louis hasn't felt this comfortable in months. He's not even mentally scolding himself for the unmanly giggles he lets out.

Liam grabs Louis' wrists as he's about to shove the taller boy again and smirks as he backs Louis into a corner of the cabin. Liam looms over him, they both fall silent. Liam's smirk melts away and his mouth just hangs slightly open, breathing hard into Louis' face while he pins his arms lightly above his head. Louis could easily get out, if he wanted to.

Everything comes back to Louis all too fast as Liam starts leaning closer and closer. He breaks his wrists free and brings his hands down to shove against Liam's hard wall of a chest.

"Let's go to bed, eh? It's getting late." Louis laughs awkwardly and loudly as he jumps into his bed in his street clothes and turns to face the wall. He's now even more uncomfortable than he usually is, because he hates sleeping in jeans.

But he deserves the discomfort. What was that even? Liam is a rule breaking sinner and no matter how much Louis wants to talk comics, he can't be around someone like Liam. He is a roadblock in Louis' journey to cleanliness.

It takes a few minutes for Louis to hear the telltale creaks of the floorboards that signifies Liam moving from the spot where Louis left him. The light for the cabin turns off and Liam's bed groans as he gets in.

Louis finally drifts off to sleep, but finds himself waking up every few hours because his dreams won't stop imagining what would have happened if he hadn't pushed Liam away. Eventually he gives up and changes his clothes and sets off to the church.

He’s been spending far too much time at the church. Honestly, there was no such thing as too much church, but at a camp like this it just seems suspicious. Louis knows the counselors will catch on soon. He wonders what they’ll do. Will they ask Liam about it? Will they move Liam to another cabin?

Louis is shocked by how much he really doesn’t want that. He should want Liam gone. Louis groans and shoves his hands in his hair. It’s been getting longer, but he’s going to have to get the mandatory bimonthly haircut in a few weeks. He just misses his long hair. He misses his tight pants and his patterned shirts. He glares down at the white t-shirt and blue jeans combo required for everyone in camp.

But he shouldn’t be so fashion conscious. It was wrong of him, only girls cared about fashion. Proper straight men would never care about how good his ass looked in his jeans. Louis almost hates his ass, and his thighs, and his calves. It’s like his lower half was supposed to be female. Minus the penis, of course. What girl wanted to date a guy who is curvier than her?

Louis decides he’s depreciated himself enough for one day and launches into his daily prayer session. Once he’s finished the church has a few other boys in it, most of them look nervous. He makes sure to smile politely at each of them, never holding eye contact for longer than five seconds. Can’t give them the wrong idea.

He feels refreshed and ready for the day as he exits the church. With a glance at the clock on the outside of the building, Louis realizes he needs to rush through his shower to get to class on time. He sighs as he rushes back to his cabin to grab his shower stuff, finding no roommate in sight. Maybe Liam will want to ignore last night just as much as Louis wants to and they’ll never mention it again. One can only hope.

The rest of Louis’ day is blessedly uneventful. He barely even sees Liam in the halls. He’s even ready to have some nice, casual conversation with his acquaintances at his lunch table. Until he overhears the table next to him.

“…So Liam gets up in the middle of class, right? And, um, he tells the teacher, that he has to use the restroom,” Harry is telling a story to Zayn and Niall. The sound of Liam’s name catches Louis’ attention.

There sit Niall, Zayn, and Harry, better known around camp as: The Unholy Trinity. Rumor has it that each of them has been kicked out of three different camps each before meeting here, their fourth. Louis has heard people talking both positively and negatively about how easy the three were. Obviously, the people sitting at Louis’ lunch table take the time to sneer at them.

“And then, before he leaves, he turns and winks at me,” Harry is waving his big hands around as he speaks even though the story doesn’t call for it and he keeps pausing randomly. Louis can barely pay attention to the words he’s saying because it’s all in this deep boring voice and Louis just doesn’t know how Niall and Zayn do it, “So, of course, a few minutes later, I, uh, I tell the teacher that I need to use the restroom too. She doesn’t suspect a thing, and then, I’m like, in the bathroom, and so is Liam. And well, I think you can use your imagination from there…”

Niall and Zayn giggle behind their hands like schoolgirls and start going on about how hot Liam is. Louis does his best to tune them out, taking a bite from his pizza.

He finds himself conflicted. Half of him wants to have Liam’s back and half of him wants to go tell on him right away. Most of him wants to go punch Harry in the face.

Louis’ fingernails launch themselves into his hands for the first time today and Louis scolds himself. Then he realizes that he’s scolding himself for using his technique usually used for scolding himself. His head hurts and his chest kind of aches and Louis just wants a comfortable night’s sleep and to just be normal and not have to deal with all this stuff. Louis throws down his gross, rubbery, cafeteria pizza and gets up from his seat. He ignores the calls from his acquaintances and sets off to the church.

There he finds Sarah setting up for mass tonight. He panics briefly and attempts to run away, but she spots him before he can escape.

“Hey Lou!” She drags out your name for a really long time and you almost have trouble smiling back at her. She frowns when she notices, “Oh, are you okay buddy?”

Louis shakes his head as he sits down in a pew, she places a hesitant hand on his back, “I’ve noticed you’ve been around the church a lot lately, do you want to talk about it?”

Then the dam breaks and Louis is crying _again_. So much for his promise to stop doing it so much. His head aches and his eyes are sore, he’s cried at least twice every day since Liam arrived. He can feel Sarah’s hand on his shaking back but it’s not doing any comforting. He feels bad, because Sarah probably feels bad for not being able to comfort him correctly. He wants to reassure her, but he can’t seem to stop crying long enough to do it.

They sit there, Louis pressing his hands into his eyes and Sarah rubbing her hand up and down the top of Louis’ back, for a long time. Louis isn’t sure specifically, but by the time he calms down, Sarah insists that it’s almost time for mass and they both need to get changed into nicer clothes. She looks guilty for turning Louis away and he wishes she wouldn’t feel like that. He seriously needs to stop crying in front of Sarah. Well, he needs to stop crying period.

He wipes under his eyes roughly and gives a weak smile to Sarah before getting up and heading back to his cabin. Liam is inside, standing in only a loose towel, his hair wet and water trickling down his back. The towel is drooping very low, just barely coving the top of Liam’s butt.

Louis groans and Liam turns around quickly, his towel opening slightly in the front. If it opens anymore Louis is going to need to _live_ in the church. “You seriously need to review the dress code.”

Liam just laughs and Louis remembers how much he hates Liam. Liam is a disgrace to this camp and no amount of comic books will change that. Louis pushes past him to get to his dresser and grab his church clothes. It’s nothing special, either a nice sweater or polo shirt and a pair of dress pants.

“Are you mad about what happened yesterday?”

The earnest sound of Liam’s voice just makes Louis’ blood boil.

“I’m really sorry, if it is,” Liam continues talking behind Louis. “I don’t know what came over me, it won’t happen again.”

“Ugh, Liam,” Louis makes sure to say his voice with exasperated disgust as he turns to face his roommate. “Can we just not talk?”

Liam frowns. “I thought he had a truce.”

“We did,” Louis is now avoiding Liam’s eyes, because they’re really big and really sad and he doesn’t know what to do about it. “But we just, can’t anymore. Get ready for mass in a few minutes.”

Louis pushes past Liam again and walks out to change his clothes in the bathroom. He makes sure not to turn back and look at Liam no matter how much he wants to.


	4. Taste Your Summer Sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm raising the rating for some sexual activity. There might be more in the future.

After a long, busy week of school and camp activities, the camp finally allows a free day. Free days are always a favorite among most campers. Louis is not in that group, of course.

He hates having nothing to do. No scheduled mass to attend, no character building activity to do, no school work due the next day. He is losing his mind. In an attempt to calm down and enjoy the free day, Louis finds himself walking along the lake. He sits at the end of the rotting dock that no one dares to walk on and tries to clear his head.

Then he sees Liam running by. Louis always wonders what Liam is up to when he wakes up early some days. He guesses the answer is running. It certainly explains Liam’s physique when there’s no gym on campus.

He looks over Liam’s body before he can help himself and, oh god. Liam is not wearing any underwear under those sweatpants. Louis can see _it_. It’s like a train wreck, he can’t look away. Finally Liam passes the lake and keeps running. Louis shakes his head and digs his nails into his palm. He cut them yesterday, but not as far as he should have. He made sure to leave some nail to help him when he needed it.

Louis pushes himself up, walking quickly back to his cabin before Liam laps around again. He picks up one of the many books he brought with him and sits in his bed, but he can’t focus on the words in front of him. He glances out the window and sees Liam run by.

A fantasy attacks Louis, not even the book in his lap can pull him out of it. He can see Liam walking through the door, shirt sticking to him with sweat. He pulls off the shirt almost in slow motion and throws it on his bed. He looks over at Louis, sitting innocently with his book, and pulls down his pants. He pauses, looking into Louis’ eyes, before winking and pulling down his boxers too.

Back in reality, Louis’ hand flies down to push on the book. The slight friction feels so good, he might cry. He hasn’t touched himself in months. Soon, the book teasing him lightly is not enough. Louis picks up the book and throws it behind him, reaching down to palm himself. He’s still got jeans and underwear muffling the touch, but it’s a lot better without the three inches of paper. He lets out an embarrassing moan and scolds himself subconsciously.

If he was actually going to do this he’d need to be fast and quiet.

The fast part would be easy, it _has_ been four months. He can already feel himself getting closer and closer. The quiet part isn’t as easy. Liam’s name keeps threatening to escape from his mouth, but he refuses.

He’s so close, _so close_ , when the cabin door swings open and a whistling Liam walks in. He stops abruptly upon seeing Louis, “I can come back later?”

The reality of the situation comes crashing down on Louis and here he is bursting into tears in front of Liam again. Then, to make it all worse, Liam ignores how awkward the situation is and rushes over to comfort Louis. He even tries to stay as far away from the crying boy as possible, to make sure he doesn’t make Louis more upset.

But the real worse part of the whole thing, is the fact that Louis’ body refuses to comprehend the situation. He sits there with his knees pressing into his eyes, sobbing, erection pushing hard against his zipper, while Liam rubs his back gently.

Louis hates Liam, he hates himself, he hates everything and everybody. He just wants to be a normal guy.

“Please, leave me alone,” Louis whispers after a few moments of willing his body to calm down.

Liam’s hand stops. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Louis snaps, “Go away.”

As Louis turns to glare at Liam he is met with an earnest face and an actual pout. “But  I just want to make sure you’re okay…”

Louis lets out a groan and clenches his fists. He remembers that he had cut his nails recently, so not much was gained from it. He gets up from his bed and storms out of the cabin. When he arrives at the church, Sarah is sitting in one of the pews. Louis tries his best to not disturb her, but she looks up and smiles at him.

“Hey Lou,” She calls out, letting the last syllable linger on. “What brings you here?”

Louis debates on what to say. Should he just make up some lie about wanting to pray real quick before bed? Should he tell her the truth? Some of the truth? The whole truth?

“Um, I was wondering,” Louis starts, his fingers fussing with each other nervously, “What I could do to get a roommate change?”

Sarah frowns. “I’m sorry, is there something wrong with Liam? Because all changes must be because of a serious issue between roommates or a mutual agreement between the two.”

Louis sighs, now would be the right time if any to tell Sarah all about Liam. Or even just a little bit about Liam. But part of him doesn’t want to rat the other boy out. Which is dumb.

Louis considers asking Liam to go with him to switch roommates together, but he’s kind of afraid to hurt Liam’s feelings. Which is also dumb.

He shouldn’t be concerned about Liam’s feelings or whether or not he gets in trouble. Liam is an awful sinner who is trying to seduce Louis and make him a sinner too.

But no. He can’t just blame Liam for everything. Liam wasn’t always around, he didn’t make Louis like this. This was all Louis’ fault.

Besides, a real, normal, straight man would be able to room with a gay man and not be tempted or seduced. This was like training for Louis, he should be grateful for it.

Louis shoots a grin at Sarah. “Thanks!” He turns and walks out of the church. When he returns to his cabin, Liam is asleep. Louis makes sure to wake up early the next day to avoid Liam on the way to school.

He even manages to not think about Liam at all until he gets to lunch. He sits at his usual table, listening to his acquaintances quietly and politely speak with one another. The table next to Louis managed to catch his ear when they mentioned Liam’s name.

Harry, Zayn, and Niall hadn’t talked much about Liam at lunch since the first time Louis heard them. It seems some stuff has gone down since then.

“Liam?” Zayn is saying, “Oh, yeah. After you told us about him I had a little _talk_ with him in the bathroom.”

Niall giggles. “When I went to _talk_ to him, we ended up behind the church. During mass. We’re lucky no one caught us.”

The three of them burst into laughter and attract some other people’s attention. Including Louis’ table, who glare at them. Louis just stares down at his food, suddenly not hungry.

It was one thing for Liam to not care and compromise his place in camp, but to comprise _other’s_? Behind the church? _During mass_? Louis is sick to his stomach. How can some people be so disrespectful?

Louis feels rage boiling in his gut, and it doesn’t go away even through the rest of lunch and all his classes. It’s like the second Louis forgets about it, he remembers, and gets mad all over again. He feels dumb and childish and he hates Liam more and more for it every second.

When Louis arrives back at the cabin, he can see the lights inside are on. Liam is already there, so Louis slams open the door before he can think about what he's doing and starts yelling aimlessly.

“What are you talking about?” Liam asks when Louis stops to breathe.

Louis points at Liam. “I’m not stupid, Liam! I know what you’re doing with the other boys here! How could you be so disrespectful and selfish?!”

“Hey, every person here that I’ve done anything with has shared my opinions on the place and it has been consensual!”

“That doesn’t justify you doing things behind the church! During mass no less! It’s like you’re spitting in God’s face!”

“Well, believe it or not, but it doesn’t bother me much to spit in a face that I don’t believe in!”

Louis doesn’t know how long he spends in an endless circle of yelling with Liam. He also doesn’t know how he ends up right in Liam’s face. Or how he ends up pushing Liam back into a corner. He especially doesn’t know how they end up kissing.

He guesses they’ll be swapping spit before spitting it into God’s face.


	5. What Have We Done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy about the response to this story. It's been a bit hard for me to write, sometimes I feel like it's awkward and it doesn't come out as smoothly as stuff I've written before. Also it's kind of hard for me to characterize Louis because I've never been in his position, but I hope I portrayed it well. I read all your comments and I love them so much, I just don't like replying to comments. When the author replies to comments it adds a comment to the comment count and I feel like it gives an inaccurate representation of the comments when it's doubled just because I replied to everyone. I'm weird about certain things. But keep leaving comments and kudos if you think I deserve it, it's more than encouraged. 
> 
> Also while I'm writing this out, big thanks to [Laina](http://archiveofourown.org/users/freakforhoran) and [Kelsey](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KelMo), who beta every chapter before I post it, and deal with my procrastination.

Louis’ hands are clenching Liam’s shirt, pulling it up slightly to reveal a sliver of tanned skin, his lips moving eagerly against Liam’s lips. He hasn’t really kissed all that many people, but his enthusiasm matched with Liam’s experience is enough to make it at least decent. Liam’s nose brushes against Louis’ as he turns his head to get more into the kiss.

His crotch is grinding hard against Liam’s thigh, and he can feel Liam’s big hands resting just so on his hips. Louis never realized just how much he needed this until now. He vaguely realizes he’s probably ruining Liam’s shirt, so he moves his hands down to the bottom and pushes up, feeling the expanse of Liam’s toned back. Liam gets the message and pulls his shirt off.

They spend a brief moment just barely touching, forehead resting against forehead, mouths open, breathing each other in. Louis breaks the moment by pressing a hard kiss to Liam’s lips, then moving down to mouth at his birthmark. God, Louis has wanted to taste it since he first saw Liam, and the noise Liam makes in reaction does not help at all.

Louis feels Liam move his thigh up, pushing harder onto Louis’ erection. The friction is so good, Louis has to pull away from Liam’s neck to let out a groan. Liam takes the moment as an opportunity to catch Louis’ lips in a kiss again.

Slowly, they migrate from the corner of the cabin to Liam’s bed. From there it’s all a blur of sweat and spit and pain and tears and somehow, pleasure.

After it all, Louis can feel his eyelids drooping. Next to him, Liam is already snoring. Louis is almost asleep when suddenly his eyes shoot open as he takes in what he’s just done. He can feel the wetness in between his thighs. There are no condoms at camp, and Louis can feel _it_ seeping out of him. Then it’s like someone just sat on his chest. He pulls himself away from Liam roughly, but the other boy just shifts.

Louis gets out of Liam’s bed and frantically searches the room for clothes. It’s gotten dark and the lamp is on the other side of the room and Louis needs to get out _right now_. He grabs a shirt and a pair of sweat pants and rushes out of the cabin, slamming the door on his way out. He starts an unsteady march towards the church, breath coming out in uneven huffs.

About halfway there Louis comes to the conclusion that the clothes he put on are Liam’s and all the calm he’d achieved from half the walk go out the window. The sweatpants fall just over Louis’s bare feet, a feat he’s slightly grateful for because he didn’t grab shoes when he rushed out. The shirt smells just like Liam (what kind of straight man knows what another man smells like?), and the normally tight fabric hangs loose against Louis’ shoulders as the sleeves have been stretched out. Louis fears he might draw blood from how hard he’s pushing his nails into his palms, but he’s also afraid of how much he wouldn’t mind it.

Louis finally walks into the church and practically throws himself into a pew, kneeling down to start as many prayers as he knows. When he finished, he just started apologizing and pleading quietly. He can feel hot tears on his cheek and the seat of his pants has gotten wet, constantly reminding Louis of what he’s done.

A tentative hand on Louis’ slightly shaking shoulder shocks him and he lets out a squeak as he turns to find Sarah with her hands up in surrender.

“Are you okay?” She asks after a moment, “You know it’s past curfew right?”

Louis sighs and rubs his eyes roughly, nodding. “Yeah, I just, needed to come here…”

Sarah’s eyes soften. “Is there anything I can help with?”

She’s smiling so sweetly at Louis and he wants to tell her, to break down in her arms and tell her everything. He stares down at his hands and finds they still have indents from his nails. He closes his hands quickly so she can’t see and looks up at her again.

“I don’t think so,” he says. She smiles sadly and shrugs a little. “I think I’m going to head back to my cabin.”

She nods and pats his back as he gets up. “Oh, I think you sat in something wet.”

She’s giggling and Louis takes a deep breath to calm himself. “Oh, heh, I guess so, I’ll go change.”

“Okay, buddy,” Sarah says with another giggle and another pat on his back.

Slowly, Louis makes his way back to his cabin. By the time he gets in, it’s pitch dark, his palms are almost numb with pain, and Liam is still out cold.

Louis sneers at Liam’s sleeping form. Before Liam came to camp, Louis was doing fine. He was arguably one of the best members there. He was going to graduate soon. What happened?

Louis feels sick to his stomach and there’s a pain deep in his chest and not so deep in his palms, but he somehow manages to fall asleep, only to dream about the two people he hates the most at the moment: himself and Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this being super short and super late. This has been the hardest chapter for me because I couldn't decide between writing full smut, a vague sex scene, or just a morning after scene. My original plan was to have a full sex scene be an entire chapter but then I realized I couldn't write sex scenes so I made it vague and it was too short so I merged it with the next chapter and it's STILL too short. This is probably one of my least favorite chapters, despite what happens in it, because it's so short and so late and I just feel bad posting it. /end ramble

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder that this is fanFICTION, AU fanfiction too. I don't actually think the members of One Direction are gay if they say that they aren't. I actually think they and their respective girlfriends are cute together. This is merely a fictional story based off of their public personas. Also, I apologize to the Payne family, who are some of the cutest people, and the other families involved for insinuating that they would send their children to straight camp if they were gay. I don't really know their families but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't.


End file.
